Friday, September 19, 2014


I kind of wish I was a drinker because tonight would be a great night to open a bottle of wine and stick a straw in it.

What a week.

  I was short staffed so my days were exceptionally busy. I had to stay late almost every night to try to catch up on my workload somewhat. Which meant that two nights I served dinner at bedtime.

I'm trying to decide if I should go in to the office for a few hours tomorrow morning. I have so much work to do and It's absolutely overwhelming.

Lots of crappy-mom stuff this week too. I disappointed Julie by saying no to a school trip to Washington. I was short tempered and distracted a lot. My littles didn't get to linger and play in the bath like they like to. Songs and prayers at bedtime were rushed because I just wanted all the things of the day to be over with so I could be alone.

There is a heaviness in my spirit today. I kept putting my head down on my desk and praying but the fear and anxiety wouldn't go away. My heart feels exhausted. I have so many things on my mind and I just can't quiet my brain.

Ah well, tomorrow is a new day. It will be better.

My littles are now tucked in bed, with extra songs and giggles and hugs and kisses, trying to make up for this week. The house is quiet now,and I can feel myself starting to slow down a bit. Soon, Ian and the big kids will be home from youth group.

I'm hungry because Mattie fed my dinner to the dog while I was in the bathroom.

Tomorrow I will visit my mama. She makes everything feel better. Or manageable at least. Do we ever stop needing our mothers?? I don't think so.

Ian did the new iOs8 upgrade thing today and lost everything on his ipad. I'm scared to upgrade. I held off on the iOs7 upgrade until the very last possible second because I hate change. I can be very patient when I need to be. My phone is up for renewal in April which is very exciting to me because I smashed my iPhone screen again. I'm not interested in the iPhone 6 whatever, another 4S will be fine.


That's all I've got.

Over and out.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014


I've started writing this post a dozen times and just keep deleting it. I've forgotten how to blog it seems.

Do people still blog? Is it still a thing?? I don't read blogs anymore so I really don't know.
Dang you google reader for breaking up with the blog world. Now I don't know what is happening out there on the internets.

Look at those pics on the left. They don't even look like that anymore!

Sam is 15 and in grade 10. In addition to a full course load he is now a part of a business program he was accepted into at the end of grade 9. He's taller than me now! Most days the only time I get to see him is in the morning when I drive him to school.

Julie is 13 and in grade 8. She's so beautiful that it makes me worry! The boys are coming around and I don't like it at all. She's so sweet and loving, encouraging and helpful. She still likes to be around me! Ha! She's walking to school this year and it's all I can do not to make her text me at every corner. I'm a very nervous mother you know. Everyone is a potential kidnapper. . She's crazy smart too, and compassionate and so artistic.

Jordan is 6 and in grade 1. That's "real school" you know, not like baby kindergarten. (her words, not mine) She has been sneaking into my bed most nights and she's so dang cuddly that I have a hard time sending her back to her own bed. She can read so well now which amazes me, because one day she couldn't read, then the next day she could. I could never teach someone else to read. I have a hard enough time trying to teach them to piddle in the toilet and not in a diaper.

Speaking of diapers, Mattie is now 3 years old and flat out refuses to use the toilet. Honest to pete, either I have the hardest kids to train or I just suck at potty training. Whatever man. We have one more year to figure it out. He's finally starting to talk and much to my delight he's very polite. Even when he's cross he'll still say please and thank you. I'm worried about his speech but Ian reminds me that all our kids spoke late and now you can't shut them up.

And me? I'm in a rough spot these days. I know I'm depressed. I've tried to hold it off but it's taken root and everything is an effort. I don't do the things I enjoy anymore (sewing, baking, blogging). I'm not spending time in the word as I should. I've been so deeply hurt by the previous leadership at our church that I'm finding it so difficult to return. Even though these people are no longer a part of our church, it's still hard. Work is overwhelming, then I come home and need to make dinner and do baths and bedtimes. By the time I get to bed I'm exhausted from just doing the next thing. Then the nightmares start. I'm a hot mess, y'all.

In the midst of this difficult and heartbreaking season, there are blessings. My children are healthy. I am married to a man who loves me so much. I am still blessed to have my mother and the close relationship we share. I have a job that is absolutely off the charts nuts but provides great entertainment. I have an abundance of friends.

I've stuck with Weight Watchers all summer and I've lost 41.7 lbs. I'm pretty proud of that. Last month we were away on vacation and I was running and playing with the kids on the beach. Jordan told me she didn't know I could run. It's so much more fun to be a participant instead of just an observer. I still have a long way to go, but this is a good start.

Alright I need to wrap this up. I've been absolutely exhausted lately and it needs to be an early-ish night.

I'll be back.

Monday, March 10, 2014


I am SO THRILLED that the clock has sprung forward. More daylight = a very happy Kate. Matthew doesn't seem to even notice that things are different - he just goes to bed when you tell him it's time. Even Jordan will still crash occasionally and it seems that this time change has been seamless.

It's Spring break this week and Sam & Julie are enjoying the much slower pace of things. Jordan is missing her friends a bit but always prefers to be wherever her big sister and brother are. I had booked today as a vacation day, but after a very difficult week at work last week, I decided to take Mon-Wed and trying to use that time to get my head together.

I'm currently drinking the worst cup of tea ever. I don't know why it is so challenging for me to make a decent cup of tea! It's water, a bag and some milk, not rocket science.

So, tonight was my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers and I was floored to learn I'd lost 6.8 lbs this week. I kind of scared the lady weighing me with my "SHUT UP WHAT!?"

Bless it.

I'll be honest with you... the first two days? I thought I was dying. Slowly dying to death from starvation. And diet pepsi withdrawal because I gave that up for Lent. But I managed to sort out this point counting business and successfully navigated a dinner out with friends on Saturday night.
Anyway, like I said last week, I don't want to talk about this Weight Watchers stuff. Except when I do.

Ian and I went out on a double date on Saturday night. We went to dinner first and then went bowling. BOWLING!! It was so much fun. Oh my gosh we laughed so much. I completely forgot every single stress in my life and just got caught up in the fun. I can't tell you how good that felt, or how badly I needed that.

On Sunday afternoon, Ian and I took the girls up to Orangeville to a fabric store I like. I've got the urge to sew again but I've misplaced my tote with all my supplies and fabric from our move. Yes, the move was almost 2 years ago... that tells you how long it's been since Sassy Susie and I whipped something up.  Ian assures me it's somewhere in the house or garage, we just don't know where it is yet.

I bought a metre of flannel with cute monsters on it to make pj pants for Mattie. Just typing that out makes me shake my head... monsters?? You have to see them... they're really cute. It was 50% off so it only cost me $4.50. As I was walking around I saw a beautiful pastel pink eyelet... so I bought a metre of that for $5.00. No idea what I will ever make with it but it's so pretty.

Today Ian took my car in for servicing. I really only wanted an oil change, emissions test and the clanking under the hood to be taken care of. One full day and they've replaced the brakes, fixed some things around the exhaust and replaced my two wiper blades.

HELLO. Oil change. Emissions test. Clanking under the hood.

Apparently both front and rear brakes were completely stripped, with the front brakes ready to go any time. Wow. We have to take it back on Wednesday to get the oil changed and the emissions test done, and I will need to find a buyer for my first born child in order to pay the bill.

As I sit here chatting with you and sipping my awful cup of tea, I have my bedroom window open and can smell the freshest breeze. I'm loving it. I'll sleep well tonight hopefully. Not like last night. For some dumb reason I decided to watch The Butterfly Effect right before bed and had nightmares all night long. Mercy.

Alright, that's a wrap.


Friday, March 07, 2014

Book Review: You're Going To Be Okay

If your life isn't perfect . . . 
If you've ever been disappointed . . .
If you feel stressed or tired . . . 
This is for you. 

You really are going to be okay. And it truly is possible to live with joy, resilience, and strength no matter what life brings. Yes, there will be hurt and hard times. But God wants to help you find ways to survive, grow stronger, and even thrive--no matter what happens. 

With her trademark positive encouragement and probing questions for self-reflection, bestselling author Holley Gerth encourages you to spend less of your life stressing or regretting and more of your life truly living.


Oh friends, this book. THIS BOOK.
Thought provoking. Encouraging. Uplifting. Filled with precious truth that we all need so desperately to hear and to allow to just soak right in to our hearts. 
This life is hard. It really is. I can't think of a single person who has an "easy" life. We are all struggling in our own ways and it's easy to think that we are just going to walk around in despair until we fall apart. 
To be honest, I was pretty full of despair when this book arrived on my doorstep a few weeks ago. 
Just reading the introduction caused a wave of tears and I had to set the book aside for another day. But when I picked it up again I couldn't put it down. It felt as though Holley was sitting right there with me, whispering the reassurance I so desperately needed to hear. 
Holley's writing style is so familiar, so friendly and warm. She has been in the dirt, she has been heartbroken, she doesn't talk into your pain like she knows how you're feeling - because only you know how you are feeling - but she can relate to what it feels like to be hurting so deeply. 
She shares her personal journey in this book, and lots of funny asides that allow the reader to really get a feel for her personality. I kind of want to find her and make her my new best friend.
My copy is a mess! I have little folds in some corners for pages that spoke to me, and really big folds for the parts that I know I will be reading again and again for those moments I need extra truth and encouragement that I really will be ok.
And then there's the page with all the tears:
I want to whisper, "I know this isn't easy." You've made it this far, and that tells me so much about you - that you are a brave, beautiful, faithful woman. You are trying to trust even when you're not sure what's ahead. You're persevering when I know it would be easier to give up.
I don't know what you future holds, but I know who holds you.
I pray he shows you more of who he is and more of who you are in ways you never expected...and beyond what you've even dared to hope.
The news ticker of your life still reads, "Good things coming."

The book is filled with love like that excerpt above. 
And if that isn't enough, at the end of the book there is a going deeper guide that would be perfect to work through on your own or in a bible study with other women just like you.
I cannot recommend this book enough. I've been talking about it to all of my girlfriends and urged them to buy a copy because everyone needs to read this. I enjoy a lot of books, but I don't LOVE a lot of them. This one? LOVE.

"Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.  Available at your favourite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group". 


Sunday, March 02, 2014

Haircuts & Stuff

I was really looking forward to spending some time with my Littles this weekend, and to take them out to give Ian a bit of a quiet Saturday morning. He's always looking for ways to serve me, and I wanted it to be his turn for a change.

The agenda? Haircuts and then donuts and milk. Pretty easy morning, right?

Yeah. It wasn't.

I documented our morning in pictures but for some reason blogger won't let me upload them. It's making me very cross, actually.

Never mind the pictures, what I wish I had was the audio because well,  you just really needed to be there.

As soon as Mattie realized he had to sit in the chair he started crying and trying to get down. I am not one of those moms that can just shake off a child's fit like "oh well". I get very embarrassed. I offered to sit with him on my lap thinking it would help but it sure didn't and I think he caused me some kind of brain trauma because he kept head butting me to avoid her scissors. After fifteen minutes of trying to wrangle this child I called a time-out. He was crying and we were both panting and sweating, and there was this grody mixture of tears and snot on my arms... what a mess.

Eventually I became so embarrassed I just told the stylist that would have to be good enough and we'd try another day.

Jordan hopped up in to the chair pleased as punch as she talked ever so sweetly to the stylist, describing how she wanted her hair cut. I was busy trying to settle Mattie down that she could have requested a brush cut and I wouldn't have noticed. Or cared to be frank.

I called Ian to tell him how it went and to make a long (read: lame and embarrassing) story short, he ended up coming to the salon to help finish Mattie's haircut while I sat near the door mumbling my apologies to customers as they left.

Eventually this lovely experience ended and Ian headed off and I took the children to Tim Hortons for donuts and milk. Thankfully that trip was completely uneventful and sweet. Mattie was drinking his milk with a straw right from the carton and I think it was like he was at Disney World or something. He was chattering away and gesturing to the carton and in my mind I was all eat your dang timbit so we can leave you've been looking at it for 27 minutes now dang...


I rolled up the rim on my steeped tea and won a free coffee/tea! It was like the Lord stopped laughing at me for a few minutes and threw me a bone. YEEHAW!

So much for Ian's quiet, kid-free Saturday morning. I guess we'll just have to try again next weekend.

Minus the haircuts, of course.

I'm not going to lie... I needed a nap after all that. I don't know who napped longer ... Mattie or me!
I took the girls to the Mandarin for dinner since the guys just wanted to stay home. Julie and I have been there before, but Jordan hadn't. From the revolving door to the ceiling painted like the sky, to the shark tank to the unlimited iced teas and dessert... Jordan was completely enthralled.

We ended up skipping church today. Ian had fallen on the ice yesterday after rescuing me at the hair salon, and cut up his hands and twisted his back and shoulder. Jordan woke up with a very croupy cough and I just felt lazy so we stayed home.

Later in the afternoon Ian and I went grocery shopping and I picked up some salads and fruit because I'm joining Weight Watchers tomorrow which I don't want to talk about. Well maybe we can talk about it sometime. I have a friend who is on the program now who is ready to support me and another who will be doing the program online. I don't know. Dieting makes me so crabby.

Well, that's about it. I'm going to finish my tea, roll up the rim and hopefully win the car, and then head to bed.

Blessings on you, my friends.


Sunday, February 23, 2014

Gettin' Old

Wow getting old sucks.

I was out last evening at a ladies event at my church and afterwards a friend and I went to a nearby coffee shop to chat for a bit. We talked about everything under the sun and I was able to share with her a bit about the things I'm struggling with. I am a very private person and cover everything with a smile. She's the kind of friend who can hear what I'm not saying.

Do you have a friend like that? Such a gift.

Anyway, we talked and laughed and cried a bit right there at Tim Horton's, and every minute that passed I felt my heart growing a bit stronger. Then I checked the time on my phone and almost fell out of my chair: 1:15am!!


We wrapped it up and I headed home. I couldn't fall asleep so I chattered away telling Ian about my evening and do you know what my sweet husband did?


The nerve! Yes, it was after 2am by then but seriously people, this was riveting stuff.

Not really :-)

This morning I got up with Mattie so Ian could sleep in for a change.
It took me a full 15 minutes to figure out how to turn on the tv because it's hard. Technology is hard. Back in the day you pushed one button and voila! The tv turned on. Now you have to have a masters degree in science and technology to turn the ding dang thing on. Anyway, I did it, possibly with my 2 yr old's help. I'm not saying. It doesn't matter because I TURNED IT ON.

You'd think I discovered fire.

I also found the Canada/Sweden hockey game on an app on my ipad so I watched that because everyone on the planet was watching an peer pressure is a very powerful thing.

Between my late night out and an early morning with my little guy... I felt awful! Bones were creaking, I had a headache and felt barfy... I had two cups of tea before I began to feel somewhat normal.

Allll that to say... getting old sucks.



Sunday, February 16, 2014


This was THE BEST weekend I've had in a very long time.

Friday was Valentine's Day and Ian surprised me with flowers, chocolate and a huge card. Things at work seemed to flow well and I was able to accomplish a few tasks that had been piling up. Sam came home from his three day retreat with his school's media program and I picked him up from school and we brought a pizza home for dinner.

Ian leads our jr high youth group on Friday nights and the Littles and I used to hang out in the church nursery just to be close to him. It's been such a long time since we've done that, so I asked Ian if we could tag along and he said yes. Jordan likes to sit with the youth while Ian teaches and we all watch the gym games. We got home pretty late and put the Littles right to bed.

Saturday morning Sam slept in and Julie was visiting my mother,  so Ian and I took the Littles to a Christian bookstore that is going out of business. I was looking for a few small gifts for a blessing project I am working on. I found a mug with HOPE on it, which is my word for 2014. I found one with JOY on it for my sweet friend Louise as that is her word for this year. Ian and I both found a few books that were marked down so we got those.

We stopped at Michaels on our way home and found colouring books for $1 each. Ian had a 25% off coupon so we bought 7! I found some cute notecards and emery boards, and Ian bought some discounted valentines candy. 

Ian and I went to see a matinee of Robocop and then dinner at Montana's, followed by a trip to Target. Oh my gosh my love affair with Target will never end. We brought dinner home for the children and we all watched Cool Runnings together. Such a great movie.

This morning we all went to church and it felt so, so good to worship the Lord with my church family. Afterwards we visited with some friends, then came home for lunch and naps. Naps are my favourite. After naptime we took the children to see The Lego Movie. Oh my gosh it was cute.

Tomorrow is Family Day which is a stat holiday, however my company doesn't observe it so I'm back to work tomorrow. The office should be pretty quiet so hopefully I'll be able to make a dent in the piles on my desk.

As usual I've left my laundry until the last minute but I don't even care. I feel very happy and peaceful tonight. I've been running on an empty tank for the longest time and tonight I feel as though I've been rejuvenated and able to face the week ahead. I'm so thankful for this time with my sweet family.

Good night friends!